It's supposed to be the happy one this time, right?
I've never really had this problem before either. I can't think of anything happy to say. My research is progressing well, I suppose. One of my classes is two days from being done. The class will leave me with a lot more time to invest in other things. I have a new focus on my thesis, and I think now that it's going to come out really well.
I just don't really want to interact with any people right now. Katie and Mike, two of the top five people who I've treated the worst over the years, have been the only ones I've felt like I can come to. I don't know whether that's delusion or fact, but I won't be finding out any time soon.
I'm looking forward to a very happy life, despite increasing doubts that this can ever be the case. I'm just too much of a nutcase with too many issues to stay happy. Ah well, most of you out there can dwell if you will on exactly how much I deserve this right now, and you're right. I don't necessarily believe in a world where people deserve everything they get, but I try to assume that's true in my case.
Butterflies are absolutely gorgeous. I love pretty things.
I love playing my guitar, even though I'm still pretty awful at it.
I love singing, even though my voice will never be passable.
I love watching movies, even though most of them are awful. It's because I never watch a movie for the first time by myself; it's always those I'm with that make it magical, whether it's Cherie and I cuddling and traumatizing those behind us or Phil and I mocking it in reference-dense silliness.
I love running. I love that so much. I love everything of which the human body is capable. I love exploring that, and pushing myself further, faster, and harder. I've never been a great martial artist or runner, but I love them both. I love racquetball and volleyball and table hockey and DDR and everything that leaves me panting, sweating, wishing I was better but feeling slightly closer.
I love my friends. I miss TJ like you wouldn't believe. I miss having Brad's pseudo-respect, or as much of it as I ever had before I let it slip away. I miss playing games with Ming all night, being in a band with Mike, Greg, and Jacob just for fun. I miss being in the school band with Katie and Jill and Cara. I miss being a leader in band, even though they were only pretending I was good at it. I feel like I'm on call all the time now, always about to be asked to do something else.
I love Cherie. You all knew it was coming. I love her like the dawn, want her like the candle wants the flame.
