It's been more than a week since my last post. Sorry. I haven't really had much of anything to say. I'll come up with something... done.
The trend for clarity continues. I understand life a little better day by day after drawing a tight close to the directionless electric slide that my energy had been devoted to previously. I feel dangerous somehow, powerful and effecient. I feel like I could do whatever I set my mind to, but my mind is set on idle right now, absorbing whatever I can. This comes from absolute and total success, which is frighteningly addicting. I still feel isolated; that part I suppose cannot be helped where this mindset is concerned. Most importantly, however, I am content.
I've been doing what some might call martial arts on my porch every night since the week I got back from Tennessee. I'm trying build up my agility, concentration, and dexterity. I'm going to start going to the free UCF Botukukan whenever I can, I just have to set my mind to actually going rather than sloughing off headache after headache with my friends (not that I don't love every minute of it). I'd like someone to go with but Greg hasn't even been coming to school, let along sticking around until the end of the day to do Tae Kwon Do for two hours. I don't blame him, but it would make things more fun to have a partner.
Where music is concerned, I'm working on putting something together for the summer and eventually for next year, and any applicable holidays in between. I've recruited Brad as a vocalist because... I was about to praise his vocal features but really it's because a) he can sing, regardless of the degree, and b) he's fun to be around. Between the two of us we're putting together an extremely ambitious set list, and we'll work from there. As soon as we're done putting everything together I'll propose the list to everyone else.
I love being in a band. It is one of the creative outlets that I need to stay whole. It's funny: I agree with Maslow that art, that the aesthetic, belongs near the top of the hierarchy of needs, and yet I am happier broke, anxious, and wary of the future but in a band than I am wholly otherwise content with nothing to show for it. I guess I just solved my own dilemma. With nothing to further strive for in the short term, the energy we have left over from fighting to keep afloat bubbles over and is wasted unless we have something to pour that energy into. When I am happy, simply thinking about life, about my friends, about stories of love or war, makes me want to sing, or to write a poem, or create something in the most primal sense of the word.
I'm going to the High School talent show tonight. If you asked me why I couldn't tell you, but I know that Christina asked me to go and Jenn convinced me that I should, somehow. What I meant in the question was that I have no idea why I would be invited, but I try not to question the right hand unless I cannot see the left. Afterwards, we're going to dinner somewhere, though again if you asked me where I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to go solve the crossword now. I'll have something more to post soon.
